Base-Brawl Rules

Let’s face it – baseball is one of the most boring sports to watch on television (it doesn’t earn the solo distinction because golf and NASCAR make you wait for exciting incidents).  But with the high number of beanballs and bench-clearing brawls happening over the past few weeks, the sport has the potential to pick up some more couch potatoes.  I’d like to propose my own set of rules to bolster baseball viewership.  Let’s call these the “base-brawl” rules:

Rule #1 – If a pitcher throws at a batter above shoulder-level, the pitcher gets automatically ejected.

This is a no-brainer.  Even with my revamped rules, headhunting has to be illegal.  After all, the following rules would be difficult to carry out without a head…

Rule #2 – If a batter charges the mound, the pitcher must defend himself for at least 30 seconds.

Maybe this will make some flame-throwers second guess their actions, maybe not.  But, at last, the pitcher will be required to face the consequences of his beanballing.

Rule #3 – Points are awarded to the team of the winner of the 30 second match. 

Unlike hockey, where the fights don’t benefit either the winning or losing teams, this scenario would yield a reward for the victor’s hard work.

Rule #4 – The pitcher’s team gets more points for a successful beanball on the opposing team’s best hitter.

This is great because teams get all rowdy when it comes to protecting their best players.  Therefore, it will produce more WWE-style action on the diamond.

Rule #5 – Steroid tests are dropped with the induction of the first four rules.

Having players juiced up just makes it all the more fun, right??